What is Bread Loaf?

When people asked me what I was doing this summer, I would say, "I'm going to Bread Loaf."  Inevitably, their jaws would fall off their heads onto the floor, their eyes would pop out and bounce around the room like ping pong balls, and their brain would open and a steam whistle would pop out going "toot!  toot!  toot!"  I wish.  Actually, nobody knows what Bread Loaf is.  I thought it was a summer graduate school program, but as it turns out, it is actually a giant loaf of bread.

Up in Vermont, there is a special county set aside to hold this giant loaf of bread and little town full of residents dedicated to its upkeep and growth.  Whole platoons of men spend their days and weekends shoveling mold off the crust and people with jetpacks flutter around it all day, spraying it with water so it will stay moist and fluffy.  The purpose of this giant loaf of bread?  To have something on which to spread the giant lake of butter, which is where we in North Carolina come in. 

Here, there are about six thousand cows with tubes leading from their udders into a butter churn the size of the sears tower, and we, the students at bread loaf, ride bicycles twenty four seven to keep it churning.  Yesterday, my leg muscles got so big and powerful, they burst my pants open!  Thankfully, I had a backup pair on underneath.  The purpose of a giant lake of butter?  Well, we needed something to do with the giant knife.

The giant knife was a doomsday weapon invented during World War II.  The Germans were also inventing oversized kitchen utensils for use in war, but we got there first.  However, the atomic bomb was completed and the rest is history.  Anyway, that's what bread loaf is.   

Currently Listening Hittin' the Note By Allman Brothers Band see related

This is the work of Ronnie Del Carmen, an animator for Pixar.  Although cartoons seem a lot simpler than other art, sometimes I believe they are harder because they capture the essence of a figure.  The lines in these pictures are so rhythmical and perfect.  A lot of times, people that can't see this essence try to hide their lack with detailed anatomy and shading.  Anyway, just wanted to share these.  For more visit http://ronniedelcarmen.com  

P.S.  I also think I like these because I'd really want to date the girls in the pictures.

Why I don't write poetry

What would I do if I were real fat?

Why I'd take all my baths in a gravy-filled vat.

What would I do if I were gigantic?

I'd strap on a sail and cross the Atlantic.

What would I do if I were big-boned?

I'd slap a caucasion and say, "You just got owned!"

What would I do if my belly was saggin'?

I'd wear several belts, cuz my pants, they'd be draggin'

I'd grease up with butter 'fore walkin' through doors,

I'd stumble and trip, cuz I can't see the floors,

I'd have undies so big, they'd use 'em for sheets,

My whiteys'd be tighter than all other peops',

They'd have a fundraiser to buy me a belt

To clothe me they'd have to use eight whaleskin pelts

Just hope I don't fall, that'd be a mistake

 Cuz then when it rained, there'd be a new lake.

On negativity in literature

Recently, someone complained that all the stories she had to read for English class were negative.  Let's check this out:

Moby Dick:  Man destroys his entire crew (save 1) in maniacal and ultimately fruitless hunt for whale

Farewell to Arms:  Man and woman escape WWI only for woman to die in childbirth.  Man walks home in rain.

Lord of the Flies:  Children revert to savagery, kill fat kid, and set island on fire.

Yes, no one can deny that a lot of literature is negative.  Maybe positive people would give us negative people a break, though, if they realized that we're so negative because we're idealistic!  I guarantee that those writers wouldn't go to the trouble of writing books about how much the world sucks if deep down they didn't know things are supposed to be better.  That's why it's tragic when Oedipus pokes his eyes out, and his wife commits suicide.  Things weren't supposed to happen that way.  Perhaps, at some point, Sophocles realized that no matter how hard he tried to do everything right, the universe would still crush him.  Some would "accentuate the positive" and move on, but others, like Sophocles, can't get over the fact that this is not fair.  Pain is not normal.  It is even worse for non-Christians because they see the illness without the cure.  What could be worse than having an itch if scratching didn't exist?  What other choice do these writers have but despair?

Positive people need to give negative people a break.  I don't think either outlook is better than the other; they just play different roles in society.  I do think, however, that if most literature is honest it will be negative.  We live in a fallen world.

HAPPY VALENTIMES DAY!!!!